Just to help you waste some time....

My favorite has always been Stephen J. Cannell...

Try New Buffalo Bob's Man-Sized Texas-Style Communion Wafers!

Whether you've worked a hard week of cow-punching on the ranch, shoveling dirt on the job site or breaking bones on the gridiron, you need something more on Sundays than that tiny piece of bread they give you at church.

Let's face it, by the time the end of the service rolls around you're hungry and need something to tide you over till you get home and have your fried chicken.

Well, if you're tired of puny little bits of communion bread tell your church to get "Buffalo Bob's Man-Sized Texas-Style Communion Wafers" today.

Buffalo Bob's uses only the finest high-quality ingredients to produce the largest and most buttery flavored* communion wafers on the market today. Weighing in at just under a quarter of a pound each "Buffalo Bob's Man-Sized Texas-Style Communion Wafer" lets you get both spiritually and physically filled.

So what are you waiting for? Call a deacons meeting, talk to your pastor, threaten your elders to get "Buffalo Bob's Man-Sized Texas-Style Communion Wafers" before next Sunday.

UPDATE from the encounter

So here is a blog link to report on the Youth Gathering in Rochester, MN last weekend...

Stories like these make me more excited for the upcoming CHALLENGE 2008 Conference in SLC...

Tips for visiting churches

Many church families travel during the Summer months. Yours may be one of those. As you wander about, you may even visit a different church… Here’s what I found on one church’s Web-site, comically describing what to expect when you visit their Sunday morning service.

WE DON’T DO WEEKLY BULLETINS:
Most churches have an order of worship where they tell you in advance everything you are to expect from the service. We're too cheap to print out a bunch of flimsy handouts to get trampled on the floor of our church and turned into paper airplanes, so this is what you get instead.

The disclaimer:
Order of worship is subject to change without notice. All rights reserved. Your mileage may vary. Offer subject to availability. Void where prohibited. May be subject to restrictions. Contents under pressure. Some settling may occur in transport. We incur no responsibility for any spontaneous combustions that may occur during our worship time. No guarantees or warranties express or otherwise are made.

Coffee and bagel time:
Coffee and bagels are available for the early birds who show up before the service starts. That would be most of us. We ask for a donation in the paper cup centrally located on the table. No pushing or shoving. No running. Fisticuffs are to take place outside on the sidewalk or out back in the parking lot, with sleeves rolled. No flailing and hair-pulling or knock-down drag-out fights in the art/trophy area, where the bagels and coffee are located. Please try to avoid bringing coffee into the sanctuary no matter how desperately you may need it. Despite how smart and conscientious you may be, there will always be at least two people less caring and civilized than you, usually with one chasing the other, who will more likely than not knock it over and leave a big nasty stain which won't get cleaned up until Saturday. We hate cleaning the carpet. Please don't make us do it more than we absolutely have to.

The call to worship:
Once your coffee is almost cool enough to drink, and you're about halfway done with your bagel, someone will get on the microphone and begin yelling for people to please come sit down so we can get started. Once the shrieking and hollering starts and your friends begin disappearing, it's usually a good time to follow them into the sanctuary. Don't make us turn the lights on and off.

THE SERVICE PROPER:
Once all of us have drifted in like sheep, and chair disputes have ended, worship begins. Usually there are about five or six songs. Please, no stage diving. You'll notice that our drummer is in a Plexiglas cage. Most sound guys will tell you that that is to balance out the sound so he can play loudly without our getting sued for eardrum damage. Don't listen to them. The real reason, as all of us who have seen Spinal Tap know, is because drummers are prone to spontaneously combust. (Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported.) So to protect our hefty equipment investment, and our fellow worshipers, we have installed a durable Plexiglas blast shield for your protection.
The message, usually delivered by someone we pay to do so, last 30-60 minutes and varies weekly in it’s application. We would all like to believe someone else should have been here to hear it themselves, but our theology tells us that God probably meant it for us. This same theology keeps us from harming the messenger.